This week I reveal my top ten on a suggested topic. Inside the box I share who my Top 10 least intimidating movie villains are as the box returns to it's typical weekly post. This is not to say that there wont be anymore story times but at least for the next few weeks we are back to our regular schedule programming. So take off the lid and enjoy what's inside the box.
Movie Box:
So I could have done this list the easy and fun way and had villains like Mugatu and Dr. Evil. The problem is they are supposed to be funny, lame, etc. So I had to sit down and figure out lame or boring villains who weren't supposed to be that way. This list of 10 is what I came up with and like always it's my opinion. So I hope everyone enjoys this week's list:
Top 10 Least Intimidating Villains
10. Raymond Calitri (Christopher Eccleston, Gone in Sixty Seconds): I don't think Christopher Eccleston was all that bad in this movie I just don't think the character was written very well. The problem I have is that he is nicknamed "The Carpenter" because he does all kinds of wood work. The thing is instead of using the wood working in a cool way it becomes a strange weakness near the end of the movie when he freaks out because Nic Cage breaks one of his pieces. It just makes him come off like he has a weird wood fetish or something. These elements just kind of make the character bland and out of place in a car theft movie.
9. Walker (Stuart Wilson, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III): So everything about this movie just falls into the category of bad and it doesn't help that it didn't even have a memorable villain. So basically quick review is the turtles go back in time to ancient Japan to save April who also got sucked back in time to ancient Japan. This gets me to the villain Walker, an English trader who is working on a deal to supply the leader with firearms and manpower. To my knowledge there's really only two things to associate him as a villain: Black clothing and being English. I'm mean look at the picture below, he looks like a reject musketeer. There's just nothing exciting about this guy.
8. Serleena (Lara Flynn Boyle, Men In Black II): So I really believe this character would've been amazing had the actress not looked like she didn't give a shit the entire film. Lara Flynn Boyle really looked like she was just going through the motions when she was on screen. I mean look below, she has absolutely no emotion on her face. You have tentacles coming out of your fingers...I would like to see some kind of sadistic, over the top acting to match that.
Famke Janssen had originally been cast in the role and shot some scenes but she had to drop out due to a death in the family. Imagine the face below with the tentacles coming out of her fingers. It would've been perfect! This movie is on Netflix streaming right now if you want to check it out.
7. Jack Frost (Scott MacDonald, Jack Frost, 1997): So don't mistake this film for the 1998 movie Jack Frost staring Michael Keaton. Although it is possible they stole elements of that movie from this one. This movie is kind of like Child's Play in the vain that a serial killer has an accident and then turns into the least menacing inanimate object possible. Although this was filmed in the late 90s it looks like it's from the late 80s. It also features Shannon Elizabeth in her first movie role which her outcome is very unfortunate. This film is also on Netflix if anyone gets bored and needs a laugh.
I wont lie the Michael Keaton Jack Frost might be creapier than the one from the horror film.
6. Deadpool (Scott Adkins, X-Men Origins: Wolverine): Let me get one thing clear right off the back. Had they not called this character Deadpool and made it look like Ryan Reynolds I might actually have been behind it. The fight at the end was actually kind of cool but I was so upset that he was fighting "Deadpool" I just gave up. Just call him Weapon whatever number he was supposed to be and get rid of all the Wade Wilson stuff. Then you just have a generic test subject who has abilities from multiple mutants. That sounds cool and then you haven't pissed off every watching the movie.
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5. Venom (Topher Grace, Spider-Man 3): Eric Foreman as Venom, yeah that sounds like a fantastic idea. You know it's bad when Emo Peter Parker is a more believable villain than one of his greatest villains in the Spider-man rouges gallery. I just hope that we eventually get the Venom on the big screen that we deserve.
4. Howard Saint (John Travolta, The Punisher): So there are some elements of this movie I like but Punisher: War Zone is the superior telling of the character. A big reason is because while the villain is War Zone is outstanding in 2004's The Punisher we are stuck with John Travolta's Howard Saint. The most laid back, I don't give a shit attitude mobster ever. He whispers or mumbles over 97% of his dialogue and when he does yell it's the most absurd lines in his dialogue. Also he is very easily tricked by The Punisher in this film. This film is also available to stream on Netflix.
3. Mr. Freeze (Arnold Schwarzenegger, Batman & Robin): Oh boy, my head is just starting to hurt now. They took a very menacing Batman villain and turned him into a pun spitting power ranger foe. How can you make this then look back at the source material and think, "Yeah this is pretty good." I mean what the hell Joel Schumacher? His batman villains just got worse and worse but his vision of Mr. Freeze is by far the biggest miss.
2. King Koopa (Dennis Hopper, Super Mario Bros.): Okay so for starters you know a movie is bad when Bob Hoskins is doing shots before every take. With that being said let's get into this crap show. So King "freakin" Koopa in this movie is a suit wearing mobster, sporting a Gene Simmons style tongue. The is no way the creators played any of the Mario games previous to making the film. You don't miss that hard with any form of previous knowledge to the source material. I mean it's not even close. This movie is so astonishingly bad I could do an entire blog on it. I'm not going to though because that would require watching this film with a clear mind. I don't think I would watch this movie again if I was blackout drunk.
I mean this is what they thought would pass as a Gumba!!
If you have never seen this and absolutely want to have something to regret wasting time on here is a link to the entire film on YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKr3Jkyy-l4
1. Galactus (CGI, Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer): So this one is a pretty solid swing and a miss. Galactus is a destroyer of planets and while yes I suppose a giant cloud of nothing could engulf a planet. It just doesn't come off as very menacing.
In the comics Galactus is an enormous Humanoid type creature (pictured below). Now this guy I believe is going to use a planet like a basketball or as he does, destroy them. The only way I could get behind the Galactus cloud is if that was how he moved and then he transformed into his normal form when he arrived.
Final Thoughts:
I just want to take a quick moment to thank everyone for reading the blog week in and week out. I know I say it a lot but it really does mean a lot that you all take some time out of your day to glance over the posts.
As always I'm open to suggestions for blog ideas and to contact me with your ideas you can reach me in the comments at the bottom, on the ITB with AB Facebook page (www.facebook.com/insidetheboxwithadambach), via email (acbach27@gmail.com), or by Twitter (@acbach27).
Thank You and Have a Great Weekend!!!
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